Looking Back, Looking Forward

I have already passed several milestones along my service: I have been in Nicaragua for over a year and I have already gone back to the United States once for Alex and Melina’s wedding. Yet, once again I am completing another milestone… one year in site and being a volunteer. Yes, I have been in Nicaragua for over a year, but it wasn’t until November 22^nd that I actually took my oath and was sworn in as a volunteer. I am now officially over halfway done with my service and I am slowly chipping away at my remaining year. I have been living in San Dionisio for one-year now and will now be cycling through the calendar one last time before my return trip home. 

I admit I have been slacking when it comes to maintaining this blog and with keeping in touch with friends and family. I guess it is a natural phase; there is a period of excitement and novelty, you are diligent, yet time begins to wear on you and tasks become that much more difficult. It hasn’t been that I didn’t want to write in my blog nor that I didn’t have time, I just found excuses to always put it out of my mind. I can’t say that playing twenty games of minesweeper was a more productive use of my time, but I found myself at night playing solitaire or reading rather than wanting to keep my journal or blog recent. Similarly, I realized that the extent of emails I send has been on a sharp decline. It is not that I do not care for my family or friends; I am finding that I just have less to say. Nicaragua has not miraculously modernized or become the same as the United States, but the cultural differences and lifestyles no longer stick out to me. In a drastic oversimplification you can say I have become jaded by my first year of service. San Dionisio is now my home and why would I think it is odd to play soccer in a field still occupied by horses and cows, why would I be disturbed by a pig being butchered in the middle of the street at 4 in the morning? Like all of you back at home this turns into the normal hum of life and it seems too mundane to even share. I look forward to hearing from each and every one of you, but it cannot be one-sided, I too need to write.

Completing my first year of service also means that it was time for the previous environmental group to say their goodbyes. In a more direct sense this means that I now represent the veteran group of environmental education and that is a scary idea. How did I transform from the greenhorn into a volunteer that is supposed to impart practical information to the new generation? It is also amazing to think that as quickly as this last year passed, this upcoming year will be even that much faster and I soon will be like the previous group and will be saying my goodbyes.

So let’s take a look back at the last year here in Nicaragua. When I decided to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer I did not know what to expect. In fact, during the application process I had no idea where in the world I would be placed or the type of job that would be required of me. I remember facing criticism and skepticism about the warrants of doing the Peace Corps and my motives. Why would I want to throw away two-years of my life to some unknown part of the world when there are plenty of people in need in the United States? Is it true that all Peace Corps Volunteers are just drunks and estranged hippies? Would I come back some ex-patriot who would only criticize the United States? Or would I just be shipped off to some far corner of the world to sit around and do nothing? They were all legitimate concerns and each is based in one way or another to a truth. We learned that Peace Corps is what you make of it and no two volunteers have the same service. I saw this as some loophole for anyone to dodge a question about their service, but it is entirely true. If I wanted to, I could sit in San Dionisio and do absolutely nothing with few repercussions. More to the point, I don’t even have to be in San Dionisio, I could be traveling around the country sitting on a beach and sipping a margarita and say I am doing work. Yet, I could also be deflated by the overwhelming problems in my community and leave depressed and exasperated by the problems of the world. However, that is not me, I am not the type of person to take advantage of a situation or shy away from my commitment. If they were to put another volunteer in San Dionisio I am sure they would have a completely different experience than my own, but I am determined to make the most of my own. 

My year in San Dionisio has taught me a lot about myself. Rather than becoming estranged to the American culture, I find myself reminiscing fondly about US culture. I agree it is not perfect and there are many ugly aspects about our culture, but it is mine and I will forever be proud of it. Perhaps it was necessary to live outside of the United States to see how fortunate we really are and to learn that we can change and make our lives better. The Peace Corps has allowed me to grow as a person in a way I have never been able to before. It is not to say that I couldn’t have done this back in Brookfield, but I believe I am a better person than I was before I left. I am proud of my accomplishments and disappointments. I know I will look back at this experience and truly have no regrets. Just the other day I was thinking about where life was taking me. I am a graduate of Tufts University with an elementary teaching license through a joint program that I took through the graduate school. I have lived in Barcelona for a year, worked in a Haitian refugee camp in the Dominican Republic, and taught in some of the roughest schools from Dorchester to Lawrence, MA. My life has been gently guiding me to a life of public service and has in effect put me in contact with thousands of people. I have been fortunate enough to meet people in the best and worse situations of their lives. I have taught the children of some of the wealthiest (daughter of the Red Sox owner and children of Harvard professors) to some of the poorest (classes in Nicaragua). I have met displaced families in the Dominican Republic, newly immigrated families in Dorchester, and settled families in Cambridge. Just this year I have formally taught over 240 students in rural communities and another 200 in my soccer league, life clearly seems to have plans for me. I am not one to be philosophical or believe in fate, but perhaps there is a reason I have taken on such projects in the past. Would I be as willing to start up an entire youth soccer league or baseball league without my experience organizing the Boston Beanpot Criterium? Would I be as confident standing up in front of a foreign classroom without my work as a school teacher in Boston or would I be able to stand up to the local government and international NGOs without my experience working at the CT DEP? While I remain perplexed about what I want to do with the rest of my life, it seems that my past has acted as a rudder or compass guiding me towards a bright future. I may never be the next billionaire or business mogul, but what price can you put on directly influencing the life of thousands of youth? 

I remember right before I left for Nicaragua that one of my friends expressed concern about going into the Peace Corps. It was seen as me putting my life on hold and that I would just be squandering two-years playing soccer or sitting in a hammock. In fact, I am sure many had similar notions that I would be better getting invaluable work experience in the United States. Yet, what price can you put on getting the confidence to move to a new part of the world where you are constantly on display and watched; where life may seem straight forward, but you unofficially become the ambassador for your country and people, where it is sink or swim time to teach in front of 40 rural children or in front of an agitated governmental board? Over the last year I have accomplished more than I could have ever imagined and I think it is worth listing them.

1.       Actually speaking Spanish

2.       Assimilating to a new culture

3.       Being strong enough to exert my own beliefs and culture

4.       Being proud of my country, friends, and family

5.       Setting high expectations for myself and becoming a role model for the community

6.       Building and maintaining a youth group in town

7.       Starting a youth soccer team that has gone beyond all expectations

a.       Watching my team gain the confidence to be independent

b.      Organizing to buy their own uniforms and solicit the mayor’s office for sponsorship

c.       Practicing on their own without me hounding them

8.       Starting a youth soccer league of 10 teams

9.       Starting a youth baseball league with my friend in Muy Muy and donations by the US Embassy

10.   HIV/AIDS charlas in the schools

11.   Community gardens

12.   My first harvest of beans, corn, radish, tomatoes, peppers, and cucumbers from my own garden

13.   Teaching a community English class

14.   Teaching in 5 rural multi-grade community schools

15.   Teaching local teachers how to develop more interactive and informative lessons

16.   Book donation project for all local schools

17.   Medical Brigades and translating

18.   First college fair

a.       Inviting 5 local colleges to present programs of study and answer questions

b.      Acquiring scholarships for all students of San Dionisio

19.   Water filtration program with the local government

20.   Cultural exchange with family and friends

21.   Finding my true calling

22.   Having the courage to discover what it is that I, myself, want and work for it

23.   Finding true friends that I will have for the rest of my life

24.   Finding people who share similar passions and goal

25.   Life skills – Sewing anything, cooking anything, and learning to live with less

This list does not encompass everything, but are the 25 accomplishments that I am most proud of. The most exciting part of this list is that I still have one more year of service and can accomplish that much more. I am now a part of my community and nothing can stop me. I have earned respect through trial and fire and people know that I can deliver on my promises. However, Peace Corps is not just about me giving to the community, I believe my lasting legacy to the community is that I have taught others a sense of empowerment. My youth teams have the confidence now to work by themselves and my fellow professors have adapted their lessons to improve the education of their students. For myself I have matured as a person. I am no longer scared of life and the many obstacles that will be thrown my way. If we put our mind to it, we are all destined to do great things and I for one will never be one caught sitting down.