Mid-Service or the Home Stretch

I don’t know what has been going on lately, but it is difficult to find satisfaction in my life. I am not saying that I am squandering my life nor am I depressed, but I find that the original charm has worn off. I am accustomed to working in the schools and what I once saw as a novelty is ordinary. I have forded rivers, ridden horses, walked through cattle drives, chased pigs, and dealt with countless other experiences that would have seen alien in my former life. I am not bored, but I also don’t feel complete. Perhaps it is because I have too much time to think, yet I don’t know what I still hope to accomplish. My latrine project is beginning to wind down and my soccer league is on auto-pilot mode. I feel like I have completed my goals and I reluctant to start up another challenge. I originally equated it to me starting to become lazy, but there is more to it than that. In a sense, I am going through a crisis, what will define me for the next six months?

I stand by my decision to join the Peace Corps, it has been a life changing experience and the best thing I have done for the last 20 months. I believe I have influenced countless lives and have made many new friends. I have learned about a new culture and I have taught others about my own. Through trial and error I have gained many new skills and believe I am a better person than I was two years ago. With all of this growth and satisfaction, why do I still feel inadequate? I have joked with other volunteers that service is like putting your life on hold for two-years. While we are sharing our culture in Nicaragua there still remains a boundary that we can never quite cross. We can help a community to the most of our ability, but we still have that plane ticket that will sweep us home after two years. Our service will quickly be filed away as just another blurb on our resume and many people will want us to condense all of our experiences into a 15 second sound bite. I know this and I expect this, but at the same time it is what I want. I love my life here in Nicaragua, I love how it is simplified and all my needs are taken care of. However, there is something disconcerting about this, while there are many flaws regarding life in the US, I miss it and yearn for it. I dream of being back in Boston and spending way too much on a beer or going out to a concert or a play. I want to walk around NYC and gawk at the overdressed and vain strangers. I miss the over competitive atmosphere where no matter what you do, you are always expected to deliver more. While I agree with the mentality that living comes first and taking things slow, I miss the cut-throat atmosphere of always wanting more. In no way do I want to detract from my service as a volunteer, but I feel like I am falling behind the curve. Given, I compare myself too frequently to others, but many of my peers in college are now completing their master’s, MBA’s, or preparing for the bar exam. Getting back to the point of my life on hold, what have I accomplished? Yes… I know have done a lot here as a volunteer, but sadly we can all recognize that this is not measured on the same scale as someone else furthering their education or quickly climbing the career ladder.

In reference to the title of this entry, I am starting to think of the end of service. Yet, am I jumping the gun? I do still have 6 more months of service, which is 25% of service left. We are often told that the first few months should be spent observing, thus our most productive months are skewed and rather than wrapping up, I should be more productive than ever. However, I can’t help but feel that I have passed my prime and I am ready to be phased out. I notice I am looking at the calendar with more yearning than ever before and any time I am on the internet I realize I have wandered over to idealist.org or other career websites. This is a time to reflect on my goals and hunker down for the remaining quarter or service. I have more ideas in the pipeline, but it is not nearly as spontaneous as before. Rather than the beginning of my service where I was braced for the long haul, I find that the light at the end of the tunnel is an excuse to expedite my remaining time rather than plant my feet and finish strong.

La Liga!

Its back, la liga infantil/juvenil de futbol campo is up and running and stronger than ever. After much apprehension and anxiety I have gotten my act together and am working with La Liga 2.0. Like my SPA project it has not been a perfectly smooth ride, but I don’t care, it is soccer and it is fun. While it may not be my main project and is not exactly what Peace Corps wants me doing, it is my baby project and is what keeps me sane while in San Dionisio. I am surprised how much I missed all of my kids and spending my Saturdays down at the field with 200 of my closest friends.

This year we made several improvements from the previous year. We have divided the youth league into two different age brackets: U-13 and 14-16. The idea is that this will allow more players to participate and it will be a safer experience for the smaller kids. Last year we only set a maximum age limit and the issue we found was that all the teams wanted to be as close to the limit as they could and many smaller kids felt too intimidated to play. This year there are 10 teams; 6 of the teams are U-13 and only 4 are 14-16. The reason that there are not more teams this year is that this is a layover league. Let me explain, the main time for soccer is between September and December, but with my constant badgering and the interest of the kids we decided to do a small league in the summer to spark interest and give an outlet for the kids. With the help of Professor Diego (director of the adult league) we created a 2.5month bracket for the 10 teams and have gone one step further… we are a federation. I am still not exactly sure what that means, but it means kids have to pay C$10 to enter (50cents) and supposedly we are recognized by the overall league in Matagalpa. The perk is that with this money the teams feel more committed and responsible and the money can be put towards buying trophies at the end of the league.

I want to give a huge thank you to my Aunt Ana for her help with my soccer league this year. Thanks to her and the families at her church we were able to supply each team with a soccer ball and give over 60 cleats to the players. Since Christmas I have coordinated with Ana to send donations to my town from the States and 5 months later and many confusing phone calls they have come. Why so long? I am glad you asked, the cleats were sent down via boat on a private currier to keep costs down and well, it is Nicaragua and things just don’t move as fast. The point is that they are here and already on the feet of my little kids. It is a whole other story to detscribe the pandemonium of handing out the cleats. There were the expected issues of many kids being angry that they weren’t given cleats and envy that some were prettier than others, but in the end everyone felt better that it was something. I handed to cleats out to the poorest team in the league (Piedras Largas) and the leftovers were distributed between individual players identified with the most need. Each team also got a soccer ball and you can see from the pictures how much they appreciated it and truly needed it.

Similar to my latrine project the soccer league has not been without its own set of headaches. I have to deal with the constant badgering of kids wanting to know the number of points each team has, the time they are playing on the weekend, and when more cleats are coming to town. Yet, like my latrine project, I love it. I love seeing the kids motivated by the league and that they are investing so much time and interest in it. Unlike the adult league these kids arrive to the field every Saturday on time, not only that I always get there an hour early and find out that I am bested by no less than 40 kids. Without the support of any adult the kids are able to raise the necessary C$30 ($1.50) to pay for the referee and bring ash to line the field. I am so proud of my kids and I know this is proof that sports really do make a difference in the life of kids and can teach as much as any classroom. The time the kids spend on the field and off has taught them to be leaders, given them patience, and to learn that as kids they can do anything they put their mind to.

Thank you again to Ana Chambers for her contribution of all the cleats and balls for my soccer league. Thank you to all the friends and families that donated their cleats and balls to help my children and please know that it was very much appreciated.

PS: If anyone has any extra sports supplies they would like to donate I am always looking for more. Please email me and we can try and coordinate a shipment. Jason.c.koza@gmail.com

King of the Latrines

Greetings all, it has been a spell since I have written or have even thought about my blog. I am sorry that I have not kept you all updated about my life, but it seems to have slipped my mind. While there is no adequate excuse, you are just going to have to accept that I have been quite busy and that my life just hasn’t been that interesting. Well, I think at least one of those previous comments is true; I’ll let you be the judge. I don’t want to this be an overzealous approach to recollect all the events between January and the present, but rather I will tackle the main events entry by entry.

The most pressing issue at hand has been my SPA project or more commonly known as Hell. The idea of SPA is that it is an opportunity for a Peace Corps Volunteer to initiate a community driven project with the ability to acquire USAID grant funds. Usually these are larger projects such as building bridges, wells, latrines, community centers, or even libraries. Volunteers can solicit up to $10,000, yet there are several restraints. Remember, I said it was a community driven project. This means that the community is supposed to think of the idea, work on the proposal, and be the organizers. Well, let’s just say that things don’t always go as planned. Yes… I did start the project late. Another aspect of SPA is that you cannot do one in the last 6 months of your service. I waited until January to propose the idea of SPA to my community and that meant I only had two months to go from nothing to a being able to defend our proposal in front of the Peace Corps committee.

Everything started off so well, it was like the calm before the storm. I called a meeting at the Alcaldia with all the different community leaders. We proposed different ideas ranging from wells to latrines and we eventually decided on building latrines. The idea was that they were the most cost effective and would benefit the general theme of water and sanitation. We then decided on one neighborhood that agreed upon as the poorest and with the most health risk. From there we were able to successfully survey the neighborhood and choose the 20 families that would benefit from a new latrine. Here, is where the drama begins. Who wouldn’t want a gringo showing up at their door with the proposal for a new latrine? From the get go I was taking flack about how I chose the 20 families and why I couldn’t add just one more family to the project. I was accosted daily by different families and neighborhoods wanting to take part in the project and while I told them that there just wasn’t enough money to go around, several people took the answer rather harshly.

I am going to fastforward two months to the present. Don’t worry, I didn’t skip much, just the usual and expected. To quickly summarize, I had to write a 20page report regarding the needs and organization of our project, I got cost estimates for all of the materials, and looked for labor contracts. Now, in the present the issue is the delivery and execution of the construction. As a community project the families benefiting from the project are responsible for 25% of all the costs. We were able to circumnavigate this problem by putting a cost on labor and them promising to give food to some of the extra laborers. In addition, I also had a contract from the Alcaldia that they would supply the transportation of the materials from Matagalpa to San Dionisio. So far so good right? Kind of, after a month of waiting I got the money last week and I immediately went to Matagalpa with the truck from the Alcaldia to get the money and buy all the materials. While the Alcaldia promised to help, it was a pain in the butt to coordinate the travel date and the worst is that the prices of all the materials skyrocketed. Here is my first major complaint with this program; we are required to get 3 proformas for all the materials, but by the time the money comes they are 2-3 months old. I know it doesn’t take much of an extrapolation to assume that prices of materials are going to continue to get more and more expensive. Compound this known fact with the obvious that we are in Nicaragua and it means I am C$3,000 in the hole or roughly $142.00. Luckily, I am coming up with ways to bridge the gap in the old and current budget, but I think it is ridiculous that the project demands lowest costs and then overlooks the fact that prices in Nicaragua are anything but stable. While this is a pain and I am stressing out about the C$3,000 it pales in comparison with the issues I am having with the local masons. I don’t know if it is a rural thing or people just taking advantage of me, but a contract is a contract. Last I checked, a contract is a legal binding document for both parties. I am expected to uphold my end of working with the agreed upon mason for a set price and to reciprocate the mason has agreed to do the work. Nope, not in San Dionisio, a contractor can back out when the feel like it because they feel the price is now too cheap and then come crawling back when I have no problem ditching them. It is a giant game of call my bluff, and it leads to enormous headaches. These bluffs lead to my project being held up and lead to further contract issues when I am delayed and the whole timeline has to be pushed back. I have wanted to walk away from this project countless times and I keep asking myself why I am going through the agony.

I will tell you why… I am a masochist. I enjoy the pain and I would feel useless if I wasn’t bogged down by way too much stress and responsibility. Yes, my executive board is more honorary than functional, but they have their moments of pulling through. I have put in countless hours and have been working side by side with the families, but I enjoy it, I feel like part of a bigger idea. And yes, while I moan and complain about the lack of support, I love taking the lead. I like the power of deciding and delegating jobs. I like being the person people have to rely on and look to for guidance and support. Most of all it is worth it for the few people who realize I am busting my butt for them and the small thank you’s that they offer. I do it for the glass of water they give me when I have been working all day moving blocks or the mango that I am given for dropping off a 300lb cement tablet. Finally, I do it for the families that always exceed my expectations and have the patience to tolerate me and have followed me to the river to shovel sand, to deliver cement blocks, and to deliver the cement tablets. While this project has been far from perfect I feel positive that I am helping families. Perhaps my original expectations of bringing a group together and creating a fine oiled machine were not realistic, but there has been progress. There is no “hora nica” with my group, all families show up on time, families are willing to help if I ask, and even my executive board has taken the lead to make sure all materials are accounted for and dropped off. We will be done within the next two weeks and while I have been waiting for this moment since the project began, I am going to miss the insurmountable stress and pride I felt working with my families.