It may seem as a delayed epiphany and it may also seem as a duh moment, but I learned it is no fun being poor. Many of us can say we never want to be poor, yet we stretch our imagination and grasp of the concept of poverty no further than as something to avoid. I experienced poverty in a sense that no one would ever desire for such a state or be content being in such a perdicament. Now as many would conjecture I make very little as a Peace Corps volunteer and I also made very little while I was living in Boston. However, I was and I am not poor. I always knew I had a home to return to, I had food in a fridge, and a fridge for that matter. Even with my current salary of $200 a month I still have a roof over my head, a stove, a fridge, and food.
I can safely say and proudly say, I have managed to avoid the grasp of poverty but I came close this week. I managed to miscalculate my needs and found myself in site (two hours from the nearest bank) with 100 cordobas on me, thus in effect to my name. This means I had $5 and I had to save $2 to get me back to Matagalpa. Thus, I had $3 to get me through the week. It is a pretty helpless feeling knowing you are trapped. I was in no way in any risk or danger but it is still quite discomforting knowing you are broke. I was amazed how I quickly adopted a sense of yearning for things out of my grasp and loathing for people buying food in front of me. It is not a desirable state and I not only had pity for myself but a sense of embarassment.
Most importantly, this is in the course of four days. I am only going through four days without money in my pocket. I even know I have more coming my way and I can access it once I get to the bank. It left me to think, how do people live in this state? My last couple days have opened my mind to the way people try and do live. Coming from a capitalist socieyt surviving is a race and I was bringing up the rear. Borrowing on an idea form the Republican mindset is that life is survival of the fittest; a sense of social Darwinism that the poor are poor because they are weak or chose to be. I reject that notion, I believe such an oversimplified and generalized thought is the same logic that led to the acceptance of elitism and genocide by the Nazis. I am not saying I will be the first volunteer to give up all my possessions and I do not agree with communism but still there has to be some type of middle ground. It is these absolutisms that create such hardened extremes and bring progress to a hault. Returing to my point no one wants to be poor. If they say yes they are either a pathological liar or a martyr, much the same as the first.
No one wakes up in the morning and wishes to be uncertain about their next meal, their health, or their life. By accepting such a notion we must therefore rewrite the concept of what drags and traps someone in the abyss of poverty. If no one wishes to be poor and if it is a horrid state, one would not be complacent to remain in such a situation. Therefore I openly rebuke the point that the poor are poor because they are lazy or unmotivated. If anything they are intrinsically motivated by their dire situation to improve. By adopting the theory of capitalism that life is a race one one wants to be last. However, this theory doesn't explain why so many people are still trapped in poverty. One aspect able to observe is from my own experience. If I changed to a sentiment of loathing and self pity in four days, what does that say for people trapped for years or a lifetime? I use the word trapped because I believe they are. Whether by social prejudice, unequal distribution of resources, politics or other discrimitory factors people are spurned by powers out of their grasp. How can one be expected to succeed or even wish to compete when they are continually berated and barred from the playing field?
I don't have any answers to this nor do I believe anyone does. Poverty has been the greatest scurvy of all great societies and no social experiment has effectually irradicated it. I simply wish to say that for the first time I can truly see the direness of the situation. In my guarded and insulated error I see the root of helplessness and envry in a beggar's eyes. I understand that it is a complex issue that does not stem from a desire to be worse off, but the realization that they are being held back from a life that is rightfully theirs. Just like I struggled with my sudden barment to money due to a lapse in judgement and distance, the poor are kept back from their human right to strive for success by inexcusable obstacles mounted by the community they work so hard to join.
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